The other day, I was helping to moderate a talk about writing and publishing. During the Q and A portion, there was an aspiring author who had just completed the first draft of her book, and she was asking an expert who had written many books about spreading the message.
So this novice author was describing the gist of her book, and it was basically a recounting of her past two years where she had lost a significant amount of weight and was feeling better about herself and noticing things like people were nicer to her and would open the door for her—things like that. And the expert author was saying, you know, what a great accomplishment this was and that it’s good that you’re going to be sharing this. We have an obesity epidemic. And I’m listening to this discussion and noticing that the focus is on the weight loss. It was a physical health goal of this woman’s, so okay, alright.
The novice author says, you know, she wants to share her message with the world and that there are so many people suffering when they don’t have to be. She wants to share her empowering message with them; she wants more people to be feeling better. And the expert author is saying yes, yes. We need that. And the novice author is saying, I see so many people out there like on the street, and that’s when the expert says, “Oh well, you can go up to them and give them your book! That’s a great opportunity to hand them your book and offer them a way out because you’ve been there!”
And I’m listening to this, and all I can think is: respectfully? Please don’t do that. Please don’t approach someone you see in a larger body and assume that they want to lose weight. Please don’t assume that they are suffering. Please don’t assume that they want to change anything about their appearance. Just because you can outwardly see someone is in a larger body does not mean you have any insight into their internal state and to assume that you do is arrogant. Period.
We have major issues in this western world with larger bodies; we are inherently unkind to them. People with larger bodies already know that most of our population thinks their body is wrong. So offering your unsolicited advice is unkind. Your book and story are better preserved for those who want them, and you’ll know they want them because they’ll be asking for them.
There is no shortage of weight loss groups or websites out there. Approaching someone on the street is just wholly unnecessary, and I just got to thinking, you know that person who’s lost all that weight? God bless them. They’ve achieved a physical health goal for themselves. And that’s worthy of respect, and that’s worthy of celebration, and it’s even understandable that you want to write a book about it. Absolutely! Go for it, but what if instead of seeing people who are in a larger body like you used to be, what if instead of offering advice, you offer love? You offer connection or a compliment?
What if you recognized your former self and your need for understanding? Or your need for compassion? If people won’t open the door for someone in the larger body, why is the answer that the person in the larger body makes themself smaller? Why isn’t the answer that we open the door for everyone because they’re human beings, and that’s a decent thing to do?
So respectfully humbly, I offer a different kind of advice. If you see someone in a larger body, show kindness and connection. Maybe you really love their dress, or maybe you like the book they’re carrying and have some insight to offer about it. Or maybe you simply offer a kind smile and leave them the hell alone and go about your day.
😘❤️
Photo by Drop the Label Movement on Unsplash
