Years ago, my friend Elise offered to read my ‘gene keys chart.’ Having been a spiritual seeker for most of her life, she was diving deep into the waters of Kabbalah and other supporting modalities. At the time, I found the whole thing too complicated and didn’t really digest what she had to say. I was leaning on my own spiritual practice of A Course in Miracles, and learning a lot about MBTI as a way of harnessing a greater understanding of my place in the world.

Lately, my creative abilities have been at an all-time high, and yet, so has been my need for deep rest. Because I have been moving at break-neck speed for the past twenty-two years, rest has not been an option and so, the whole concept brought with it feelings of guilt and shame. Like, unless I had just completed a series of physically taxing days, I had no excuse to be tired. So while I would indulge an early bedtime (my kids make fun of me constantly), I would also feel as though I didn’t deserve it.

Last month, my friend Corinne (who is in the joyful throes of an Empath program) offered to read my ‘human design chart.’ Turns out, gene keys and human design are similar—the former having been distilled from the teachings of the latter. Anyway, this time, it hit different. I will be relying on what Corinne learns at this point and not necessarily going deeper with chart-reading myself, but what a relief I have found in learning I am a Manifestor.

The creative bursts, the need for deep rest, the old pattern of people-pleasing, the desire to work for me—it all makes sense now. I can write an entire novel in a matter of weeks and then drop into days of wanting to do absolutely nothing. All this time, I thought I was lazy—someone who left things until the last minute. Turns out, it’s just how I’m made and it serves a higher purpose.

This post is really just for me. I’ve decided to write out some mantras so that I don’t dip into self-judgment when creative energy takes over and then departs.

—

I deserve to rest.

I can trust the desire to express.

I am a vessel for words that move the masses.

It is safe for me to let go.

I am protected.

Often, I must move at my own pace.

The world will adjust to me. I don’t always have to adjust to the world.

I do not have to be liked.

I make a positive impact through my creative work.

—

Now, back to resting. ❤️