Just today I said to him: “You are blessed to be right up against your pain so you can say to Spirit: ‘This is what is happening and it feels SO awful! Take this from me and look at it for me. I want to see what You see. I want a better way.’ And the guidance will come. Your heart will ease. That need to control or be right will taper off into a sweet surrender of calm, centred faith that all is well and as it should be.”
He said, “I have to do that. Can’t keep getting resentful. One day at a time is the only way to go.”
He and I are so emotionally similar, it can drown us sometimes- the depths of it. But we show up so differently: he a mask of intense stoicism and I a shy, yet open willingness. It’s in our bellies that we share this bittersweetness of feeling things so deeply.
Danielle LaPorte’s advice on people is this: “Open, gentle heart. Big fucking fence.” That is he and I: the heart and the fence. And it has become clear that we need to borrow from one another- to ground ourselves and learn.
His mother is one of my favourite people in the world and she has told me for years: “Do not engage; guard your gentle heart or you will be trampled. Some people are untouchable- lacking any empathy or willingness to understand.” And as I told her last week, I had to learn for myself. And learn I have. There are no villains or victims here, only opportunities to heal.
So when I told him he is blessed to be right up against his pain, I meant that he will either change or die because of it. The intensity is such that it pushes you to one or the other. There is no pussyfooting around here- no finger pointing, no denying, no wasting away in victimhood. We are here to heal and to love one another.
And as the madness fell down around us, the light came up and through. The rough bristles of his face pressed against the freckled softness of my own and we remembered: this is Home. We need not pressure ourselves to be anything for anyone else. Our family is our own and because our one true goal is this: to Love, we will always be OK.