How to Take Care of Your Heart

How to Take Care of Your Heart

Have you ever seen a heart exposed, ribs spread, beating in a nest of red? It’s messy, complicated and yet, it works. There’s all this blood, all these veins and arteries. It’s perfection within a cardiac cage of tissue and bone. Your heart beats for...
Overwhelm and Open Hearts

Overwhelm and Open Hearts

The day was misty and slightly cool leaving a light spray on our skin. On each tree a scant few leaves were dead, but remained- dangling atop branches that swayed. I wore a thick wool sweater on my back and a heaviness in my chest. The ellipse of human existence had...
Selling the Drama

Selling the Drama

What is it like to live beneath layers and layers of lies? To hold yourself so defensively against the world. To be so utterly fearless in your lies- knowing you will be caught. To have so little faith in the truth and in the kindness of others. What is it like to be...
The Light Has Come

The Light Has Come

Thank you to Corinne and Gabby for inspiring me to write this when I considered silence instead. Sometimes silence is helpful and others it’s simply a way to withhold love. Withholding love leads to suffering. I don’t want to suffer anymore <3 There is...
All That’s Left Unfelt

All That’s Left Unfelt

I wasn’t even sure how to start this post because it seems to me that I write about the same things over and over. And then it seems that I confuse my writing with my thoughts because, for me, they are so closely linked. What has been smack-dab in front of my...
As a Child Speaks

As a Child Speaks

Because he has this knack for speaking from his heart and because he means no harm, it’s hard not to fall in love with him. This child with hopes so simple and sweet. Ever since the moment I laid eyes on my son, I could feel a visceral connection. He knows when...
The Path Out of Panic

The Path Out of Panic

And it was out of the blue that I saw it. A spark, clear and bright. Brief in its appearance, gentle in its message. The truth of it burned into my brain like a brand: I was afraid. “Why does this always surprise me? Why do my eyes sting with the realization...
Shadowboxing

Shadowboxing

All the words within me are hiding behind curtains, clinging hard to the fabric- unwilling to show their faces. I want to shake them. There are times when I am so sick and tired of fear, of pretending, of shallowness clothed in martyrdom. I rage against it....
One Day

One Day

    Everyone has heard the adage: One day at a time. In recovery it was one I needed to hear often. In those rooms of beautiful souls resolved to live better, I heard so many incredibly helpful things, but this one was always true. It could be said a million...
Crushed.

Crushed.

Crushed. Between waves, between shores. We have been crushed. Bordering two thoughts: One a pull-under into dark and frightening waters, The other a graceful release to the Light. Created in a faceless void of longing, we wade. Yet it’s all a dream, a...
Another Peak to Climb

Another Peak to Climb

Just when I think I’ve climbed the mountain, the clouds part to reveal another peak. But I want to sleep. I want to hide. I want to retreat into my cave of comfort and pretend: there is no change, no challenge, no fire-breathing dragon at my back. I’m...
Two Voices

Two Voices

There are two voices in our heads. I know it may seem like there’s a whole circus of them in there, but in my -albeit limited- experience, there are just two. Let’s start with the shitty one. The one that tells you how limited you are, how unlovable, how...