My Journey with ‘The Secret’

My Journey with ‘The Secret’

In 2008, my life was in turmoil. Pregnant with my second child, supporting a husband through a toxic and expensive lawsuit, trying desperately to advance my career in research to earn more money and caring for my toddler daughter- I was stressed to the max. I lived on...
It’s Not For Me to Say

It’s Not For Me to Say

It’s not for me to say what would make you feel better.  It’s not for me to decide how you should heal.  But I’ve seen him in my dreams and I know that he’s ok.  He’s better than ok; he’s with you, but that’s not for me to...
What If We Told the Truth?

What If We Told the Truth?

What is this boundless insecurity that makes us do these awful things? To take an innocent situation and twist it in on itself? Who are we to look past reason straight through to insanity and run with it? Because why? Because we’re hurt? Because someone...
The Miracle

The Miracle

Whether you blame the mother or you blame the wife- it’s still your life. And blame is a tether holding you as you drift high and low. One hates herself, the other can’t let go. But you can open your eyes, burst through the clouds. You’re allowed to...
The Grudge

The Grudge

I was taken aback. The memory of that day filled my veins- rushing thick and and quick throughout my entire body. Nearly five years ago, I was sitting on my bed crying- trying to explain myself to someone uninterested in what I had to say. We spoke through screens and...
I Said “Yes”

I Said “Yes”

My son ran joyfully through the neighbourhood splash pad, his menacing, yet innocent laugh flying through the air. I was watching him closely, but making a point of letting him be. He was six years old now. He didn’t need to me every ten seconds anymore. My dear...
Love Against the Dying of the Light

Love Against the Dying of the Light

I have rage.  So many years of having swallowed the words I wanted to say- so many years of shutting up, saying yes while no is what lived in my breast. People-pleasing has caused a pool of anger to form in my belly.  At times, it rises up and out of me. And I am...
Villains and Victims

Villains and Victims

I sit here preparing for another talk with my dear friend, Susan Dugan, about defencelessness and I have to acknowledge that I am enraged. Someone is trying very hard to hurt someone I love and I am incredibly defensive. My heart, once full of compassion, is now...
May I See This for What It Is

May I See This for What It Is

Last night it was incessant….the noise in my head- the rumblings of what I imagine other people think of me. And only I can shut that out. Only I can take that long, lost breath and choose again. Again. It’s getting better. The conversations that used to...
He Wants Me

He Wants Me

My heart is scattered in a hundred pieces and he wants the whole thing. He wants me all to himself- pure, untouched, and untethered. But I am never just here. I am down the street, and across the country. I am in a starving body and a fractured mind. I am learning to...
A Prayer for the Shocked and Grieving

A Prayer for the Shocked and Grieving

Mother Mary, We call on your love and compassion today. Hold us close. Dry our tears. Remind us we cannot make sense of the senseless, We cannot recover what has been lost. But we can love. Through our weary and grieving bodies, Mother Mary, Let us love. Help us to...
Willing to See with Love

Willing to See with Love

I am a needy person. Scratch that- I am a needy person when I forget that all my needs have already been met. I forget all-the-goddamn-time. Beyond this physical world of ego, competition, drama and pain there is a world that I want. This world is available to me at...