I See You

I See You

I only wish I saw it sooner… She suffers as I suffered. She is afraid as I was afraid. Sometimes I’ll ask my friends if I’m *too* honest in my blog posts, if I’m too much…too out there. It is posts like Mia’s that remind me...
Committed

Committed

By the time I reached the peak I was running out of breath. The day was grey and cold and if it weren’t for my persistent, adorable dog I never would have made it out at all. Sometimes Life hands you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it- or perhaps...
Teacher of Kindness

Teacher of Kindness

Sometimes I miss my old life. I was breathless, unaware and new. I was forever looking forward, hopeful. I believed in the power of romantic love…that two people can do anything if they commit to love one another forever. I don’t live there anymore. But...
I Opened Up

I Opened Up

I opened up. And all those things I hid for so long came out, came pouring out. I just kept talking for fear of stopping and not saying it all.  I just kept going.  It was awkward and it was strained, but that’s how freedom starts. There’s pressure, doubt,...
My Weapon of Choice

My Weapon of Choice

Heaven knows I have done it. Since I was eleven years old, I have used food as a weapon. I have hurt myself on purpose with it. For a long time it was a matter of handling my feelings (mostly guilt and shame) by eating and then purging. It was a behaviour I could...
The Weekend It All Began

The Weekend It All Began

A few years ago there was a weekend where I faced some fears. It wasn’t my intention to face these specific situations, but it is my intention every morning to surrender and remember what my purpose is- that being to choose love over fear. It began as I packed...
No More Waiting in the Wings

No More Waiting in the Wings

I have been tangled up with you for years in a very arms-length, don’t-get-too-close-to-me kind of way. Never have I felt worthy. Never have I felt safe. And this has been my own doing. It has been through my own unwillingness to open up, to be myself that I sit...
Going Back – A (Very) Short Story

Going Back – A (Very) Short Story

I followed her down the sandy laneway to the lake. The moon was full, thankfully, as it was our only light at one in the morning. She pretended not to know I was behind her, but I never left her alone on this day. It had been sixteen years, but this date would still...
I Don’t Want to Anymore

I Don’t Want to Anymore

My vulnerability makes me seem weak, I think- Makes me seem needy, perhaps. But all it is is honesty. All it is is truth. Because baby I used to lie like a rug in fear’s basement. I would insist, defend and gaslight myself into dusty corners. It was a shield for...
My Journey with ‘The Secret’

My Journey with ‘The Secret’

In 2008, my life was in turmoil. Pregnant with my second child, supporting a husband through a toxic and expensive lawsuit, trying desperately to advance my career in research to earn more money and caring for my toddler daughter- I was stressed to the max. I lived on...
It’s Not For Me to Say

It’s Not For Me to Say

It’s not for me to say what would make you feel better.  It’s not for me to decide how you should heal.  But I’ve seen him in my dreams and I know that he’s ok.  He’s better than ok; he’s with you, but that’s not for me to...
My All

My All

One day my solitude won’t feel like solitude at all It will be the sweet ever after I’ve been longing for- The peace of dropped expectations and the serenity of a love recalled. It will be the how and the why, The what and the whom. And though my eyes are...