Love Against the Dying of the Light

Love Against the Dying of the Light

I have rage.  So many years of having swallowed the words I wanted to say- so many years of shutting up, saying yes while no is what lived in my breast. People-pleasing has caused a pool of anger to form in my belly.  At times, it rises up and out of me. And I am...
Villains and Victims

Villains and Victims

I sit here preparing for another talk with my dear friend, Susan Dugan, about defencelessness and I have to acknowledge that I am enraged. Someone is trying very hard to hurt someone I love and I am incredibly defensive. My heart, once full of compassion, is now...
May I See This for What It Is

May I See This for What It Is

Last night it was incessant….the noise in my head- the rumblings of what I imagine other people think of me. And only I can shut that out. Only I can take that long, lost breath and choose again. Again. It’s getting better. The conversations that used to...
The Toughest Year Yet

The Toughest Year Yet

Today I celebrate 6 years abstinence from bulimia. Surprisingly, this past year was one of the toughest. Anyone who has struggled with healing an eating disorder or addiction may know what I’m talking about, but I can only speak from my own experience. I did not...
Willing to See with Love

Willing to See with Love

I am a needy person. Scratch that- I am a needy person when I forget that all my needs have already been met. I forget all-the-goddamn-time. Beyond this physical world of ego, competition, drama and pain there is a world that I want. This world is available to me at...
You Were Never Mine

You Were Never Mine

Sometimes it seems I love without limit. I hold the hands of many and hold the breath of many more in my heart. There is a wave of ever-expanding joy when I think of those I love. I smile from the inside out.  This love is real and reflects the truth of the world, I...
Take Care

Take Care

I caught myself doing it again. Another habit unearthed to look at, not to judge, but simply notice. An old friend asked me how I was. My reply, without thinking, was this: “Pretty good, thanks. The kids are all getting along. My friend out West is coming out of...
Lover of Life

Lover of Life

They say I must be broken to love the broken. I must be wounded to love the wounded. I must not have grappled with my own darkness, in order to love those who spend so much time with the dark. But I say I am the bringer of light. I am the wanderer in the woods- the...
On Love, Stories and Jim Morrison

On Love, Stories and Jim Morrison

I cannot sing praise to two masters. I must give myself, wholeheartedly, to one or the other, or I shall go mad. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, then you will have seen a pattern in my writing. I tell a story. It’s an emotional one. Lord knows...
The Space to Feel

The Space to Feel

Emotions aren’t really welcome in our society. They’re seen as weak, bothersome, attention-seeking. We are told to ‘get over it’, ‘stop bitching’,’grow a pair’. Often I wonder if those who want to stifle the emotions of...
Slow-Burn Forgiveness

Slow-Burn Forgiveness

“I don’t know how to love us through this,” I told her as we scaled the first hill of our hike. The spring wind was rough, rustling up all that was dead and making way for the new. Green buds made themselves known on every tree we passed. My friend...
How to Take Care of Your Heart

How to Take Care of Your Heart

Have you ever seen a heart exposed, ribs spread, beating in a nest of red? It’s messy, complicated and yet, it works. There’s all this blood, all these veins and arteries. It’s perfection within a cardiac cage of tissue and bone. Your heart beats for...