It’s Not For Me to Say

It’s Not For Me to Say

It’s not for me to say what would make you feel better.  It’s not for me to decide how you should heal.  But I’ve seen him in my dreams and I know that he’s ok.  He’s better than ok; he’s with you, but that’s not for me to...
My All

My All

One day my solitude won’t feel like solitude at all It will be the sweet ever after I’ve been longing for- The peace of dropped expectations and the serenity of a love recalled. It will be the how and the why, The what and the whom. And though my eyes are...
What If We Told the Truth?

What If We Told the Truth?

What is this boundless insecurity that makes us do these awful things? To take an innocent situation and twist it in on itself? Who are we to look past reason straight through to insanity and run with it? Because why? Because we’re hurt? Because someone...
The Miracle

The Miracle

Whether you blame the mother or you blame the wife- it’s still your life. And blame is a tether holding you as you drift high and low. One hates herself, the other can’t let go. But you can open your eyes, burst through the clouds. You’re allowed to...
Love Against the Dying of the Light

Love Against the Dying of the Light

I have rage.  So many years of having swallowed the words I wanted to say- so many years of shutting up, saying yes while no is what lived in my breast. People-pleasing has caused a pool of anger to form in my belly.  At times, it rises up and out of me. And I am...
Villains and Victims

Villains and Victims

I sit here preparing for another talk with my dear friend, Susan Dugan, about defencelessness and I have to acknowledge that I am enraged. Someone is trying very hard to hurt someone I love and I am incredibly defensive. My heart, once full of compassion, is now...
May I See This for What It Is

May I See This for What It Is

Last night it was incessant….the noise in my head- the rumblings of what I imagine other people think of me. And only I can shut that out. Only I can take that long, lost breath and choose again. Again. It’s getting better. The conversations that used to...
The Toughest Year Yet

The Toughest Year Yet

Today I celebrate 6 years abstinence from bulimia. Surprisingly, this past year was one of the toughest. Anyone who has struggled with healing an eating disorder or addiction may know what I’m talking about, but I can only speak from my own experience. I did not...
Willing to See with Love

Willing to See with Love

I am a needy person. Scratch that- I am a needy person when I forget that all my needs have already been met. I forget all-the-goddamn-time. Beyond this physical world of ego, competition, drama and pain there is a world that I want. This world is available to me at...
You Were Never Mine

You Were Never Mine

Sometimes it seems I love without limit. I hold the hands of many and hold the breath of many more in my heart. There is a wave of ever-expanding joy when I think of those I love. I smile from the inside out.  This love is real and reflects the truth of the world, I...
Take Care

Take Care

I caught myself doing it again. Another habit unearthed to look at, not to judge, but simply notice. An old friend asked me how I was. My reply, without thinking, was this: “Pretty good, thanks. The kids are all getting along. My friend out West is coming out of...
Lover of Life

Lover of Life

They say I must be broken to love the broken. I must be wounded to love the wounded. I must not have grappled with my own darkness, in order to love those who spend so much time with the dark. But I say I am the bringer of light. I am the wanderer in the woods- the...