One Day

One Day

    Everyone has heard the adage: One day at a time. In recovery it was one I needed to hear often. In those rooms of beautiful souls resolved to live better, I heard so many incredibly helpful things, but this one was always true. It could be said a million...
When You’re Ready

When You’re Ready

  When all you have is a photograph, can the pain be contained in the frame? Does it live beneath the glass? Or does it pervade your veins like poison? Does it rip through you until you become it? Slowly, slowly… Slip down…down into darkness. They say...
The Space

The Space

They sat in their garden facing one another and yet unable to look up. He wore sunglasses in any case. When she tried to see his eyes, she could not. Perhaps it was better that way. The space between them was heavy, laden with fear though they carried it differently....
Even Spirit Girls Get the Blues

Even Spirit Girls Get the Blues

“I’ll just warn you; I’m in a horrible mood,” I said as I opened my front door for my friend. I was draped in oversized black cotton from head to toe. She wore pink. I tried, pathetically, to pretend it didn’t annoy me. She smiled and bit...
No Stranger

No Stranger

  My old friend sat across from me waiting for me to finish my rant with infinite patience. Sitting on her plush beige chesterfield, I had my legs tucked up and underneath me; I was cold. The warm coffee mug in my hands was a blessing. “So how can I forgive...
Sight

Sight

The fear, the fear, that festering, unfathomable fear. That I’m alone in this. That I’m adrift with neither reed nor rock to anchor me. That fear sits in the pit of my stomach beneath kind words and good intentions, Beneath a heart that beats slow and...
She’ll Forgive the Stars

She’ll Forgive the Stars

She’ll forgive the stars when she gets there. Right now it’s rocks and shoots and things with roots, but she’ll get there. She’s caught in the tangled trill of the underground, turning over the same stones, tripping over the same branches, but...
Steps

Steps

I still remember how it was. I remember the anxiety and the nervous thoughts constantly passing through my mind. I recall the fear, the nasty comments I reserved only for myself and I can absolutely feel the compulsion again: That need to feel better, to fill up and...
Life in the Light

Life in the Light

Sometimes I miss my old life. I was breathless, unaware and new. I was forever looking forward, hopeful. I believed in the power of romantic love…that two people can do anything if they commit to love one another forever. I don’t live there anymore. But...
Softening the Blow

Softening the Blow

  Heaven knows I have done it. Since a young age I have used food as a weapon. I have hurt myself on purpose with it. For years it was a matter of handling my feelings (mostly guilt) by eating and then purging. It was a behaviour I could throw myself into, get...
Who We Really Are

Who We Really Are

Let’s have a little heart-to-heart, you and I.  Let’s talk about who you are…who you really are. You hear it over and over: that you are love, pure and simple. But do you believe it? Do you believe that you are one with the One? Can you embrace the...
This Time The Light

This Time The Light

I’m rolling through the rough stuff, carrying habits in my hair.  Which one will I reach for?  The food?  The tantrum? The runaway? Maybe this time, the Light. I don’t want to to look, have trouble letting go.  And patiently the Light just waits.  It knows...