I See You

I See You

I only wish I saw it sooner… She suffers as I suffered. She is afraid as I was afraid. Sometimes I’ll ask my friends if I’m *too* honest in my blog posts, if I’m too much…too out there. It is posts like Mia’s that remind me...
Teacher of Kindness

Teacher of Kindness

Sometimes I miss my old life. I was breathless, unaware and new. I was forever looking forward, hopeful. I believed in the power of romantic love…that two people can do anything if they commit to love one another forever. I don’t live there anymore. But...
I Opened Up

I Opened Up

I opened up. And all those things I hid for so long came out, came pouring out. I just kept talking for fear of stopping and not saying it all.  I just kept going.  It was awkward and it was strained, but that’s how freedom starts. There’s pressure, doubt,...
My Weapon of Choice

My Weapon of Choice

Heaven knows I have done it. Since I was eleven years old, I have used food as a weapon. I have hurt myself on purpose with it. For a long time it was a matter of handling my feelings (mostly guilt and shame) by eating and then purging. It was a behaviour I could...
Villains and Victims

Villains and Victims

I sit here preparing for another talk with my dear friend, Susan Dugan, about defencelessness and I have to acknowledge that I am enraged. Someone is trying very hard to hurt someone I love and I am incredibly defensive. My heart, once full of compassion, is now...
He Wants Me

He Wants Me

My heart is scattered in a hundred pieces and he wants the whole thing. He wants me all to himself- pure, untouched, and untethered. But I am never just here. I am down the street, and across the country. I am in a starving body and a fractured mind. I am learning to...
Lover of Life

Lover of Life

They say I must be broken to love the broken. I must be wounded to love the wounded. I must not have grappled with my own darkness, in order to love those who spend so much time with the dark. But I say I am the bringer of light. I am the wanderer in the woods- the...
The Space to Feel

The Space to Feel

Emotions aren’t really welcome in our society. They’re seen as weak, bothersome, attention-seeking. We are told to ‘get over it’, ‘stop bitching’,’grow a pair’. Often I wonder if those who want to stifle the emotions of...
How to Take Care of Your Heart

How to Take Care of Your Heart

Have you ever seen a heart exposed, ribs spread, beating in a nest of red? It’s messy, complicated and yet, it works. There’s all this blood, all these veins and arteries. It’s perfection within a cardiac cage of tissue and bone. Your heart beats for...
The Light Has Come

The Light Has Come

Thank you to Corinne and Gabby for inspiring me to write this when I considered silence instead. Sometimes silence is helpful and others it’s simply a way to withhold love. Withholding love leads to suffering. I don’t want to suffer...
These Gentle Weeks

These Gentle Weeks

My cells hold memories of this time of year. For six weeks or so between the months of June and July, my body and my mind begin to prepare. They begin to warn me of imminent pain, sadness and loss. I’m not usually conscious of it until I am at least halfway in....
Parenting in the Dark

Parenting in the Dark

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there.” ~Rumi Her back was to me at first, and so I wasn’t sure what I was walking into. The energy of the house was somber, yet calm. She sat at the kitchen table...