Even Though I Hate Being Chased

Even Though I Hate Being Chased

If I’m not careful, I’ll take myself and my problems much too seriously. If I’m not careful.  I’ll wrap myself up in guilt, fear & blame and walk around as a wound: open and raw and easily irritated. I’ll walk around with my head...
She Stole

She Stole

You are not alone, sweet one. Though you doubt yourself most terribly and build such glamorous walls. I am with you. You watch with hungry eyes and stalk with a fragile cunning. I know this. I know you. You are not alone. Though time and bodies separate us and fate...
Have No Shame

Have No Shame

What if I could live without shame? What if I could live without the shackles of other people’s opinions? I’ve believed for so long that it’s humble to acknowledge my shortcomings. I would say it out loud before anyone else could. I’d beat you...
One Day

One Day

    Everyone has heard the adage: One day at a time. In recovery it was one I needed to hear often. In those rooms of beautiful souls resolved to live better, I heard so many incredibly helpful things, but this one was always true. It could be said a million...
Willing to Remember

Willing to Remember

  I love being right. Mind you, I mask it well because I’m generally a very kind person. But wow, there is this crazy ego high from feeling right. It’s like a victory. I get pumped up a bit higher and even think I feel more peaceful for a bit. The...
Soaking Up Secrets

Soaking Up Secrets

We sat warming our hands on our mugs of lemon ginger tea in silence. She was waiting, once again, for me to speak first. Speaking has never been my strong suit. I feel enough for a village, but to speak about my feelings takes a lot of effort. I can, however, write...
Before You

Before You

Because there were no stars before you…no lanterns, no candles, no flame. I wandered in a ceaseless black pretending. My chest, my heart, my lungs exposed to harsh, cold air. I was unaware. I was new. Because there were no waves before you…no rivers, no...
Happy Tears

Happy Tears

Three Years. Three years up against fifteen and here I sit one month from my thirty-fifth bithday. I have, as of today, maintained three years of abstinence from bulimia after suffering for fifteen. And what is so remarkable to me is that the past three years have...
Hug the Mother

Hug the Mother

I waited for my friend on her front step while she spoke to a neighbour on the sidewalk in front of me. I could hear pieces of conversation depending on how strongly the wind blew. And the breeze was a blessing. Heat had settled in. The sun was nearly a summer...
Whispers

Whispers

Whispers in the schoolyard are all in my head. The looks up and down, a mixture of pity and “I’m glad it’s not me”, they’re all in my head. A mother says to another mother under her breath “I don’t know what I’d...
Steps

Steps

I still remember how it was. I remember the anxiety and the nervous thoughts constantly passing through my mind. I recall the fear, the nasty comments I reserved only for myself and I can absolutely feel the compulsion again: That need to feel better, to fill up and...
This Time The Light

This Time The Light

I’m rolling through the rough stuff, carrying habits in my hair.  Which one will I reach for?  The food?  The tantrum? The runaway? Maybe this time, the Light. I don’t want to to look, have trouble letting go.  And patiently the Light just waits.  It knows...