Have No Shame

Have No Shame

What if I could live without shame? What if I could live without the shackles of other people’s opinions? I’ve believed for so long that it’s humble to acknowledge my shortcomings. I would say it out loud before anyone else could. I’d beat you...
One Day

One Day

    Everyone has heard the adage: One day at a time. In recovery it was one I needed to hear often. In those rooms of beautiful souls resolved to live better, I heard so many incredibly helpful things, but this one was always true. It could be said a million...
Soaking Up Secrets

Soaking Up Secrets

We sat warming our hands on our mugs of lemon ginger tea in silence. She was waiting, once again, for me to speak first. Speaking has never been my strong suit. I feel enough for a village, but to speak about my feelings takes a lot of effort. I can, however, write...
Before You

Before You

Because there were no stars before you…no lanterns, no candles, no flame. I wandered in a ceaseless black pretending. My chest, my heart, my lungs exposed to harsh, cold air. I was unaware. I was new. Because there were no waves before you…no rivers, no...
Happy Tears

Happy Tears

Three Years. Three years up against fifteen and here I sit one month from my thirty-fifth bithday. I have, as of today, maintained three years of abstinence from bulimia after suffering for fifteen. And what is so remarkable to me is that the past three years have...
Hug the Mother

Hug the Mother

I waited for my friend on her front step while she spoke to a neighbour on the sidewalk in front of me. I could hear pieces of conversation depending on how strongly the wind blew. And the breeze was a blessing. Heat had settled in. The sun was nearly a summer...
Whispers

Whispers

Whispers in the schoolyard are all in my head. The looks up and down, a mixture of pity and “I’m glad it’s not me”, they’re all in my head. A mother says to another mother under her breath “I don’t know what I’d...
Steps

Steps

I still remember how it was. I remember the anxiety and the nervous thoughts constantly passing through my mind. I recall the fear, the nasty comments I reserved only for myself and I can absolutely feel the compulsion again: That need to feel better, to fill up and...
This Time The Light

This Time The Light

I’m rolling through the rough stuff, carrying habits in my hair.  Which one will I reach for?  The food?  The tantrum? The runaway? Maybe this time, the Light. I don’t want to to look, have trouble letting go.  And patiently the Light just waits.  It knows...
Saved by the Voice of the Night

Saved by the Voice of the Night

With a mind that moves so quickly, timid, running scared. I have little time to act. To choose or despair. There is a tiny speck of time, a mere moment for this mission. And I can rise up, let go and listen. I can learn, remember and I can surrender all. It takes but...
Eyes That Love

Eyes That Love

There are so many things to let go of.  The one that’s in my face these days is: romance.  I don’t think I understood until very recently that there is a HUGE difference between love and romance.  I think I knew it superficially, but I didn’t...
Ain’t No Victims ‘Round Here

Ain’t No Victims ‘Round Here

Three things I know about pain: 1) It’s a call for healing. 2) It’s a call for change 3) You cannot compare yours to someone else’s. Three things I’ve tried to do about my pain: 1) Ignore it 2) Wallow in it 3) Compare it Everything that has...