My Weapon of Choice

My Weapon of Choice

Heaven knows I have done it. Since I was eleven years old, I have used food as a weapon. I have hurt myself on purpose with it. For a long time it was a matter of handling my feelings (mostly guilt and shame) by eating and then purging. It was a behaviour I could...
Life is Too Short to Hate

Life is Too Short to Hate

I just can’t do it anymore. Life is too short to hate anyone, least of all myself. But the waters I tread are murky. I cannot trust my eyes alone. I need an omniscient Love as my guide. Without Him, my words, intentions and vibes are icky at best. For as long as...
Have No Shame

Have No Shame

What if I could live without shame? What if I could live without the shackles of other people’s opinions? I’ve believed for so long that it’s humble to acknowledge my shortcomings. I would say it out loud before anyone else could. I’d beat you...
One Day

One Day

    Everyone has heard the adage: One day at a time. In recovery it was one I needed to hear often. In those rooms of beautiful souls resolved to live better, I heard so many incredibly helpful things, but this one was always true. It could be said a million different...
For The Girls

For The Girls

  This is for you. The one who has found me here. I see you. I grew up among beautiful women who didn’t know they were beautiful. They walked and talked with an underlying anxiety…a collection of thoughts that amounted to unworthiness. The conversations...
In Celebration of Food

In Celebration of Food

One thing I almost never do here is share one fact: despite my struggles, I love food. When I’m eating with the intention of pure enjoyment, rather than a reckless wanting to fill a void, I eat without guilt and consequently the experience is clean, pure and...
Eyes That Love

Eyes That Love

There are so many things to let go of.  The one that’s in my face these days is: romance.  I don’t think I understood until very recently that there is a HUGE difference between love and romance.  I think I knew it superficially, but I didn’t...
With Hands Shaking

With Hands Shaking

I was so incredibly close to a binge last week.  I was at the centre.  The end of the road for problems, tasks, help and need- it all seemed to point to me.  My shoulders fell beneath the weight. I panicked and my mind narrowed, focusing on the old- too afraid of the...
I Can’t Ignore What Heals Me

I Can’t Ignore What Heals Me

I have some old ways of coping that are not so healthy. They sit in the back of my mind dusty and neglected. They remain that way until I have a night like I did last night… Yes, it was a tough one. Overwhelmed, lonely, mind racing, disconnected and not wanting...