My All

My All

One day my solitude won’t feel like solitude at all It will be the sweet ever after I’ve been longing for- The peace of dropped expectations and the serenity of a love recalled. It will be the how and the why, The what and the whom. And though my eyes are...
What If We Told the Truth?

What If We Told the Truth?

What is this boundless insecurity that makes us do these awful things? To take an innocent situation and twist it in on itself? Who are we to look past reason straight through to insanity and run with it? Because why? Because we’re hurt? Because someone...
The Grudge

The Grudge

I was taken aback. The memory of that day filled my veins- rushing thick and and quick throughout my entire body. Nearly five years ago, I was sitting on my bed crying- trying to explain myself to someone uninterested in what I had to say. We spoke through screens and...
Love Against the Dying of the Light

Love Against the Dying of the Light

I have rage.  So many years of having swallowed the words I wanted to say- so many years of shutting up, saying yes while no is what lived in my breast. People-pleasing has caused a pool of anger to form in my belly.  At times, it rises up and out of me. And I am...
Villains and Victims

Villains and Victims

I sit here preparing for another talk with my dear friend, Susan Dugan, about defencelessness and I have to acknowledge that I am enraged. Someone is trying very hard to hurt someone I love and I am incredibly defensive. My heart, once full of compassion, is now...
May I See This for What It Is

May I See This for What It Is

Last night it was incessant….the noise in my head- the rumblings of what I imagine other people think of me. And only I can shut that out. Only I can take that long, lost breath and choose again. Again. It’s getting better. The conversations that used to...
Willing to See with Love

Willing to See with Love

I am a needy person. Scratch that- I am a needy person when I forget that all my needs have already been met. I forget all-the-goddamn-time. Beyond this physical world of ego, competition, drama and pain there is a world that I want. This world is available to me at...
On Love, Stories and Jim Morrison

On Love, Stories and Jim Morrison

I cannot sing praise to two masters. I must give myself, wholeheartedly, to one or the other, or I shall go mad. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, then you will have seen a pattern in my writing. I tell a story. It’s an emotional one. Lord knows...
Back to the Beginning

Back to the Beginning

He brought her variety store carnations and a look of wonder when they met. Texting had been so effortless and near-constant for the past two weeks. He looked just like his profile pictures only better- kinder and more human. His eyes bore into her, wearing an...
Selling the Drama

Selling the Drama

What is it like to live beneath layers and layers of lies? To hold yourself so defensively against the world. To be so utterly fearless in your lies- knowing you will be caught. To have so little faith in the truth and in the kindness of others. What is it like to be...
Works Well with Others

Works Well with Others

I crossed the street to come out of the shade and into the sun. With the temperature well below zero, I was wishing I’d worn a hat. The west side of Locke Street granted a degree or two of warmth to help prevent my ears from feeling frostbitten. It was late...
Woman, You Can Do Hard Things

Woman, You Can Do Hard Things

For a lot of my life I was a runner- an avoider. I was scared a lot, more often than not. I was constantly unsure of myself. Having always been a Highly Sensitive Person and an empath, I was very attuned to the energy and moods of the people around me. And there was...