The Miracle

The Miracle

Whether you blame the mother or you blame the wife- it’s still your life. And blame is a tether holding you as you drift high and low. One hates herself, the other can’t let go. But you can open your eyes, burst through the clouds. You’re allowed to...
The Grudge

The Grudge

I was taken aback. The memory of that day filled my veins- rushing thick and and quick throughout my entire body. Nearly five years ago, I was sitting on my bed crying- trying to explain myself to someone uninterested in what I had to say. We spoke through screens and...
Villains and Victims

Villains and Victims

I sit here preparing for another talk with my dear friend, Susan Dugan, about defencelessness and I have to acknowledge that I am enraged. Someone is trying very hard to hurt someone I love and I am incredibly defensive. My heart, once full of compassion, is now...
May I See This for What It Is

May I See This for What It Is

Last night it was incessant….the noise in my head- the rumblings of what I imagine other people think of me. And only I can shut that out. Only I can take that long, lost breath and choose again. Again. It’s getting better. The conversations that used to...
I Don’t Need to Fix You

I Don’t Need to Fix You

This is my lifelong lesson: the only one I can truly fix is me. And even that’s not the whole story. There is this pit in my stomach, like a void, where God is and yet I don’t acknowledge. I choose to see a void instead. I choose to be fearful. I forget to...
Willing to See with Love

Willing to See with Love

I am a needy person. Scratch that- I am a needy person when I forget that all my needs have already been met. I forget all-the-goddamn-time. Beyond this physical world of ego, competition, drama and pain there is a world that I want. This world is available to me at...
On Love, Stories and Jim Morrison

On Love, Stories and Jim Morrison

I cannot sing praise to two masters. I must give myself, wholeheartedly, to one or the other, or I shall go mad. If you’re a regular reader of this blog, then you will have seen a pattern in my writing. I tell a story. It’s an emotional one. Lord knows...
Slow-Burn Forgiveness

Slow-Burn Forgiveness

“I don’t know how to love us through this,” I told her as we scaled the first hill of our hike. The spring wind was rough, rustling up all that was dead and making way for the new. Green buds made themselves known on every tree we passed. My friend...
Back to Me

Back to Me

Yesterday I was shopping with my eleven-year old daughter. The weather this past weekend had been beautiful and she realized she didn’t have any shorts that fit . So, off we went last evening to the local Forever 21. I love shopping for her and her stepsister....
Selling the Drama

Selling the Drama

What is it like to live beneath layers and layers of lies? To hold yourself so defensively against the world. To be so utterly fearless in your lies- knowing you will be caught. To have so little faith in the truth and in the kindness of others. What is it like to be...
Compassionate Distance

Compassionate Distance

No one can cut me out of their heart. I love you and I am simply working on accepting people as they are. This way, everything can settle in and flow. My interference is my resistance- I am letting go. Six years ago- almost to the day- I sat on the floor of my friend,...
Addiction and A Course in Miracles: A Discussion

Addiction and A Course in Miracles: A Discussion

    I found this recording by accident! It’s from five years ago and it’s craaaazy long, but there is some truly helpful content here. I lead a discussion on Addiction and The Course. I was a newbie Course student at this point (November 2011)...