Without fail, I am helped. Every. Time.
My life is not smooth. It does not flow with the ease of a mountain stream. And you want to know why? Because I resist it.
I resist the calls for healing. I look at every conflict that comes up and I get scared. I think it must mean that something is wrong….very wrong. So then I try to reason it out. I try to compare my life with that of other people’s. I get advice from a thousand friends until I end up crying in my bed FINALLY turning to God.
And I pray:
I must have chosen wrongly for I am not at Peace. I am willing to see this differently. I am willing to see that I am not upset for the reason I think. Heal my mind for me. Choose love for me. I love you. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.
Every little thing that appears to make me upset is *for* me. It does not necessarily mean that my life is a fucked-up mess. It means that something is coming up to be healed- to be transmuted back to love. These are things to be grateful for. They are fears within me that manifest in all kinds of ways: judgments of others, sickness etc. But when they are plain and square in my face, I have a choice.
I can resist or I can release.
This morning I chose release. I chose to be honest about what it was bringing up for me. And it was bringing up fear. Fear of being wrong, being unloved, being left, being alone. If I had looked at this ‘problem’ from only a worldly level, I would have every reason to rant and rave and complain. But where would the healing come from? How would I learn?
These are fears that would have otherwise stewed angrily in my breast, wreaking havoc. And now I let them go. I used them with the purpose of remembering God. This world is one of duality: good/bad, happy/sad, beauty/wretchedness. Beyond all this is simply God. Love. Truth. Oneness.
God’s got this. My job is to trust- to love, to look and to release. What happens will happen. The only thing that changes is my experience of it.
And it’s OK when I forget.
Hallelujah. Holy Shit. Where’s the Tylenol?