It doesn’t end, you know. At least not in the way we think. This is what I think, anyway. And I’m going purely on experience…thirty-four years worth.

I thought, okay, just get through this…just let this go and you’ll get there. It’ll be bright and shiny and clear. It’ll be good. And I’m here. I’m on the other side of that chasm I tried so desperately to tiptoe around only to be sucked under and then placed gently on the opposite bank. I’m here.

Except it’s not super clear. I mean, there are nice things here: New people, new things to see and try, but I still carry so much. There’s confusion here too…joy mixed with fear of being hurt again. ‘Cause I don’t want to hurt again.

Oh here we go, I’m letting it get to me once more….

Distracted yet again by the glittering gifts of the world, I push aside the Love that carried me through. “I’ll come back to that,” I tell myself. “I know it’ll be there later.” And it will. God is. He just is. So yes, I can go and play a while. I can put my hope into that which has only ever let me down, I can do that.

But I just remembered that I don’t have to do it alone. This isn’t truly a one or the other kind of thing. I can bring all the wonders of this world to the Love that never ends. I can let It teach me. I can do that.

Oh goodness, to be forgiven…to be reminded of how little I know of Love. It’s a relief…a dream come true…a miracle.

Why do I keep forgetting?!

Meh, whatever. God is.

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