I have, it seems, no problem giving of myself.  I give my love, my energy, my time away so easily to what I believe to be a worthy cause.  This is not my problem.  I am not stingy in this area of my life at all.  The problem, it appears, is in receiving.  For some reason (<cough>..unworthiness!) I have trouble receiving all good things that are always flowing to me.  I have become the dam that blocks my own flow.  Ugh.

It’s wonderful and all that I am a nice and kind person.  It’s not so wonderful, nor very healthy, that I am not allowing the Universe to be nice back to me.  This is how resentment is created.  Indeed, this is what burns a girl out!  I give and give and give until one day I wake up with an incredible feeling of a void within.  I panic.  I cry out.  How did this happen?!! How can I fill this void up again and quick?!!

Well let’s see… I could eat.  I could drink a box of wine.  I could have sex, buy something I can’t afford, send a bunch of texts to make sure people still love me….etc.

OR!… I could breathe.  I could sit and breathe for a few minutes and focus on my heart.  I could see love & light pouring into my heart and feel the peace in that.  I could pray…ask for healing.  I could write it all down and allow the expressive, creative process to bring me clarity.   I could intend…intend that I will do this differently.  I could ask for a miracle, a shift in perception, and ask that I be open to receiving…to see myself as worthy and to receive the good that is coming to me with love, gratitude and an open heart.

I like the latter.  The former leaves me feeling icky and gross and utterly unloved.  It’s getting to the no-brainer stage, but I still have trouble sometimes.  There are times when: I still lose my cool; I still eat when I’m not hungry; I still feel sorry for myself when I don’t hear back immediately from a friend.  This is the shit that I work on day in and day out.

My job is to remember who I am.  And every time I glimpse my greatness I shed a little light for you too.  I open myself up to abundance and miracles.  I feel full.  I stay calm.  I let others be as they are.   In short, I do as Love does.  With that, I can’t go wrong.

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