In early 2013, I received an email from my friend, G who absolutely loves John of God.

“D-

John of God is coming to Toronto!!!

You must go!!

OMG you must go see him! I would come but I’m going to be in Utah.”

John of God is a spiritual medium and psychic surgeon. He rarely leaves his “Casa” in Brazil so I knew this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I am very open-minded and believe that with God all things are possible. I’m saying this now as a heads-up that this is not going to be a post about skepticism or questioning. This is simply my experience with John of God.

Let me also preface this whole thing by saying this all went down at a point in my life when I was so COMPLETELY DISTRACTED with my personal life. My kids were small, marriage was falling apart and we were trying to sell our home. My gut instinct was to avoid and keep my focus on my family. Because G is highly, highly intuitive and because she is lovely and sooooo smart- I said yes. She asked me to help out a mutual friend of ours, Ali, as well. Ali is about ten years younger than us, walks with a walker and is pure joy. I loved her instantly.

A friend of mine asked if she could go ahead and purchase a ticket to John of God for me and I said yes. Next, I texted my then-husband to say that I would owe this friend money the following week and that I was trusting that all we needed would be provided.
An hour later I received an email from one of my clients who said the following:
Hi Danielle! I have been praying for financial discernment and one of things that has become clear to me is a monthly tithe to my spiritual teacher and guide — which is you! Thank you for all of your help and support! I hope this helps you do your wonderful work! Love to you, my dear, dear friend.

Right. OK. Wow. So I was good to go! We were all going to meet up in Toronto and I would help Ali once her cab arrived at the venue.

Here is where anxiety turns me into an asshole.

I had to wear white. We all did. Being fresh in my recovery and still having major body image issues, this was a huge challenge for me. I had zero white clothing. We also had very little money. This combination meant settling on white jogging pants, a white yoga top and white Keds- all from a discount store. I also purchased these masochistic “shaping shorts” to go beneath the pants that turned my thighs into sausages. Ugh. I was a sight for sure. And I was incredibly self-conscious.

Once I got there, I found my friends who all looked radiant in their JOG whites <3 They were so sweet and beside themselves to be there. I, however, grabbed a seat and prayed that I wouldn’t have to move again. My tummy was in knots and my throat was tight. I was so obsessed over my own tiny experience that I missed three texts from Ali. She needed to know which entrance to use… Was there an elevator? Was it accessible for people with walkers?

I answered all her questions and gave my head a shake. No one here cared what I looked like. I got up from my seat to go meet Ali and I, finally, took it all in. I was surrounded by seekers. Everyone around me was there because they believe in something greater than themselves. They were looking for healing, for relief, for redemption (and some were probably dragged there by desperate loved ones). The energy in the air was a mingle of hope, fear and an incessant love that blanketed it all.

I went downstairs to meet Ali while my other friends were ushered into another room where they hoped to meet John of God. Ali was all-smiles. Instantly, I felt guilty about my own absorption in my problems. She was so endearing and bright. I told her that there was a special entrance for people with physical disabilities- kinda like a “Fast Pass” for healing. Ali laughed and said, “Sure! Why not?” Remarkably, she wasn’t there for her ‘disability’.

“I’m used to this,” she said pointing non-chalantly to her walker. “I’m here for my food issues. There is so much I can’t eat and it drives me nuts!”

They say all pain is the same, but all I could think in that moment was this angel would always be a way better human than I could even attempt.

Leading her to the special line, we got caught up. It had been a few years since we had met at an event of G’s. The line was significantly shorter than the other ones- people of varying degrees of physical disability and their loved ones. Some appeared to be in a lot of pain.  A few moments later, a volunteer came by asking if there were any psychic mediums in the line. Ali cheekily raised my hand and proclaimed: “She is!”

Oh God. Literally.

I was led into a room with about half a dozen people seated in meditation. I was asked to do the same. It was a ‘grounding room’, though I can’t recall if that was the exact name for it, that was the intention- to ground the energy. I sat in meditation for what felt like a few minutes, but was much more. The energy was light and I felt like I was simply holding space for something way beyond me. It wasn’t for me to understand, just trust. We were allowed to leave as soon as we felt moved to.

As I left the room, I was back in a line with Ali. We were to walk past John of God. He would decide who would remain in the room with him and who would go off to the right- to the ‘current room’.

I could feel him before I saw him, but once I did I would recognize something in his eyes that I would only see a few times thereafter. God. It’s a softness, a gentleness, a love that is actually beyond words. It’s eyes that appear to be tearing up with joy at all times. He motioned for Ali and I to join the current room. Again, we sat in meditation. I said prayers for friends who had asked me ahead of time. And then, finally, I let go and prayed for myself.

For nearly two years, I had been holding so tight to my marriage. I knew this, but had trouble letting go. I had no idea what I was going to pray for. A voice in the back of my mind told me I would pray for my marriage to be saved. This is not what ended up happening. As I sat there, I pictured dropping ‘Danielle’ and her desires from my heart and mind. I focused only on the feeling of Love. In my mind’s eye, a band of glowing red light appeared and I heard a voice say “you are letting go….” over and over again. As I tuned more and more into this voice, the band was severed and it dissipated. In that moment, I knew what would happen. I knew my marriage would end.

Shortly after this visualization, a curtain to my left was drawn open to reveal a man rising from his wheelchair and walking for the first time in decades. People wept and clapped. I felt happy for him, but otherwise numb. We were all then informed that while we had been meditating, John of God performed a Spiritual Surgery on us. This meant there was a regimen we would have to follow for the next few days. I purchased my “holy water”, said my goodbyes and headed home…exhausted.

The next few days felt like something heavy had left my chest. I felt humbled, lighter and in a state of awe. As I write this out, I realize that I had barely talked about my John of God experience. In fact, a part of me had blocked it out completely until today. I don’t know why today, but I do know that what happened that day was integral in my being able to finally let go of my marriage. I think G knew that at some level and certainly, God within me did as well. I am forever grateful

<3

 

 

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