So I have been informed that I ‘preach’ about blended families. That’s how someone feels. OK.
Truly, I don’t know how many times I have to say on here that I have no idea what I’m doing! 🙂
I use this blog to work out my feelings about many topics. Blended families just happen to be near and dear to my heart because my kids have two incredible stepfathers and I have a kind, wonderful stepdaughter whom I love to pieces. But I am not an expert. I am learning as I go, just like everyone else. We humans are designed to mess up. That’s just the way it is.
I have learned a lot from having three kids at our home every other weekend for (pretty much) three years now. When the children outnumber the adults, you get a very different dynamic in the house and if you’re not used to this, you can be surprised by the constant flux in emotions. The kids bring with them different feelings and apprehensions from their other homes. They bring excitement and hope and worry. They want fun, connection, time alone. And sometimes, they all want the same thing at the same time! When this happens, there is magic. I’ve witnessed it with my own eyes.
Sometimes there are conflicted feelings, as if they’re not honouring the other parent if they get too close. They bring up difficult topics- sometimes lightly at the breakfast table and sometimes in the midst of big outbursts. We try to honour it all without bringing our own hurt and insecurities into the mix. We don’t always succeed. And sometimes we do. Those moments of compassionate honesty, that children so value, are priceless. The trick for us is to not focus too much on the times we drop the ball, but to commit to learning the skills to handle the difficult times so we can spend more time enjoying.
If you haven’t experienced blending kids then you can’t really comment on it. I was speaking to a friend last night whom I love dearly and she said to me, “All you have to do is focus on the kids when they’re with you.” I knew what she meant and her heart was in the right place, but that’s impossible. I love all three of them and think of them all, all the time. But I do believe I don’t have to try so hard. I do believe my love is enough.
With all my heart, what I am trying to say is: if you truly feel like I am preaching to you, then you probably shouldn’t read what I post anymore. I write what is true for me, no one else. That is the whole point of this site. I’ve written here about things that I didn’t know enough about to make a call. I’ve been dead-wrong. I’ve let my hurt feelings come out as judgments. I’ve also called myself on my own bullshit and removed posts I’m no longer proud of.
God bless you and thank you for reading, but honestly, if I am not your cup of tea, it’s ok. Truly.
Wishing you all well, always.