I Was There and I Remember

I Was There and I Remember

She told me it didn’t happen the way I remembered, that I was mistaken, that I must be overly sensitive or stressed somehow. She said “I’m sorry if you misunderstood…”. That’s not an apology. I know this. And the other shit?...
When We Have Been Wronged

When We Have Been Wronged

It’s been eating away at me for weeks. I’ve been trying to plan how I will defend myself to someone who, I believe, has been told things that are untrue about me. In my mind I’ve been playing out the conversation- how I could set the record straight,...
Just Listen

Just Listen

I felt again like I could never get it right. Her arms were crossed defiantly. “You don’t listen to me!” she cried. Adrenaline pumped loudly in my ears. Within I was fuming, all my spiritual tools for keeping calm thrown out the window. Defensive...
Eyes Don’t Lie

Eyes Don’t Lie

It wasn’t the first time I had seen her, but it was the first time we’d spoken. We’d met years earlier, casually. This time her husband was with her and this time, I got to see her eyes- up close and in person. I’d seen her image grace my...
I See You

I See You

I only wish I saw it sooner… She suffers as I suffered. She is afraid as I was afraid. Sometimes I’ll ask my friends if I’m *too* honest in my blog posts, if I’m too much…too out there. It is posts like Mia’s that remind me...
Committed

Committed

By the time I reached the peak I was running out of breath. The day was grey and cold and if it weren’t for my persistent, adorable dog I never would have made it out at all. Sometimes Life hands you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it- or perhaps...
The Latest Craze

The Latest Craze

I will never forget what it felt like to walk past her. Filled with judgments, denial and my own sense of being separate- I dismissed her. It was a moment where I got a hard look at myself, got to be honest for the first time in a long time. I swear I could have spent...
Coming Around Again

Coming Around Again

“I was never good enough and I knew it- she made sure I knew it. The harder I tried, the worse it got.” My friend was anxious, tugging at her scarlet scarf and only occasionally sipping her hazelnut latte. We were meeting at the coffee shop around the...
Teacher of Kindness

Teacher of Kindness

Sometimes I miss my old life. I was breathless, unaware and new. I was forever looking forward, hopeful. I believed in the power of romantic love…that two people can do anything if they commit to love one another forever. I don’t live there anymore. But...
I Opened Up

I Opened Up

I opened up. And all those things I hid for so long came out, came pouring out. I just kept talking for fear of stopping and not saying it all.  I just kept going.  It was awkward and it was strained, but that’s how freedom starts. There’s pressure, doubt,...
My Weapon of Choice

My Weapon of Choice

Heaven knows I have done it. Since I was eleven years old, I have used food as a weapon. I have hurt myself on purpose with it. For a long time it was a matter of handling my feelings (mostly guilt and shame) by eating and then purging. It was a behaviour I could...
All Apologies

All Apologies

Here’s what I’m learning right now: if you are willing, life will show you exactly what you need to look at in order to transcend your own bullshit. And we need not look alone. But I’ve been feeling alone. I have been feeling so very disconnected...