The Love We Need

I've always loved this picture of you. It's blurry, I know, but it reminds me of that day. July 13th, 2015: One of my best birthdays ever. One of our best nights together. I like to think this picture is blurry to remind us of how hot it was. Do you remember? The...

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Dropped Softly Into Grief

How does that feel? One less burden on your back, one less name on your list. It's bliss. I know. I've felt it too. The letting go... of anger, resentment, hurt. And there may be days where memories creep up on you like strangers knocking on your door. That’s what...

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How Life Feels

It's five minutes before I have to wake the kids and I don't want to move too quickly because the dog will wake up and I want those five minutes desperately. I even tell my own bladder to get lost so I can have them. I can hear my son singing in the bathroom as he...

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One Day

Everyone has heard the adage: One day at a time. In recovery it was one I needed to hear often. In those rooms of beautiful souls resolved to live better, I heard so many incredibly helpful things, but this one was always true. It could be said a million different...

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I Was There and I Remember

She told me it didn't happen the way I remembered, that I was mistaken, that I must be overly sensitive or stressed somehow. She said "I'm sorry if you misunderstood...". That's not an apology. I know this. And the other shit? That's gaslighting. I know this too. I...

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Not Like Other Girls

I'm not like other girls. This is what I hear- all the time, I hear it. "Most people don't think like you do, act like you do." And I have trouble with that, have trouble taking it at face value. Because it probably just means "you're different" and there's an end to...

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When We Have Been Wronged

It's been eating away at me for weeks. I've been trying to plan how I will defend myself to someone who, I believe, has been told things that are untrue about me. In my mind I've been playing out the conversation- how I could set the record straight, correct any lies...

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Just Listen

I felt again like I could never get it right. Her arms were crossed defiantly. "You don't listen to me!" she cried. Adrenaline pumped loudly in my ears. Within I was fuming, all my spiritual tools for keeping calm thrown out the window. Defensive words flew out of my...

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Eyes Don’t Lie

It wasn't the first time I had seen her, but it was the first time we'd spoken. We'd met years earlier, casually. This time her husband was with her and this time, I got to see her eyes- up close and in person. I'd seen her image grace my social media many, many...

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I See You

I only wish I saw it sooner... She suffers as I suffered. She is afraid as I was afraid. Sometimes I'll ask my friends if I'm *too* honest in my blog posts, if I'm too much...too out there. It is posts like Mia's that remind me there's no such thing. We are all...

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Committed

By the time I reached the peak I was running out of breath. The day was grey and cold and if it weren't for my persistent, adorable dog I never would have made it out at all. Sometimes Life hands you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it- or perhaps that's...

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The Latest Craze

I will never forget what it felt like to walk past her. Filled with judgments, denial and my own sense of being separate- I dismissed her. It was a moment where I got a hard look at myself, got to be honest for the first time in a long time. I swear I could have spent...

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