With a heart as fragile as glass, I come to You and I am helped. Held tight and carried. Protected. I rest in You and I am loved.
But this…this is always the hardest part: empty hands.
I have come to You since I was a little girl with my anxieties about people and tests and social situations. My hands were full of wishes and dreams and agendas. The weight I carried was heavy. You never left me, but also, You did not see what I saw. You did not see it the way I did.
Because this…this is what You saw: innocence.
And it’s near impossible for me to see that on my own. I have my ideas of right and wrong, good and evil. The world is full of them, helping us to feel alternately righteous and guilty.Pain lives in both ends of that spectrum.
Empty hands. For me, at this point, it means dropping everything. It means a clean surrender and full-out trust in Love. When I have calmed enough to let go or when it all has become too painful to hold on, I come to this place. I come to You. And I am helped; I am loved.
Innocence. This very morning I crossed paths with a man who wore the smell of hard liquor in his every pore. And while at a worldly level there are consequences for choices like these, my work with You is different. You call me to see his innocence, just as You call me to see my own.
My heart is fragile here but with You it is ever-expansive. With You, all I ever need to do is be. All I ever need to do is love. With You, to be and to love are one and the same.
This is what I truly want. Even as I wallow, even I as I shout, this is what I want.
I am coming. Slowly, slowly…I take Your hand. I drop wishes and wants and fears and foes. I am coming.
And You, as ever, are waiting.