Just when I think I’ve climbed the mountain, the clouds part to reveal another peak. But I want to sleep. I want to hide. I want to retreat into my cave of comfort and pretend: there is no change, no challenge, no fire-breathing dragon at my back.
I’m tired, Holy Spirit. I am drained of all creativity. I no longer know what to do.
You’ve been here before. I’m right here.
Four years ago tomorrow marks the date- that “dark night of the soul”. June 13th, 2011 is the day that I decided it was much too painful to go on with the way things were. I could no longer ‘cope’. I had to heal. I chose Love over fear. I did it consistently (with a recovery program) and within months, bulimia fell away. First the purging, then the binge-eating. Gone.
Whenever I think I can’t handle something in my path, I remember: I have let go of lifestyles, relationships and behaviours that were as real to me and felt as necessary as breathing. My mind was changed when it hurt too much to hold on and I had to surrender all. I was relieved of the burden. I chose the Light.
I’ve done it before. I will do it again.
Because I am tired, I know I have been relying on my own strength. Because I know longer know what to do, I know precisely what to do: look at the change, the challenge, the fire-breathing dragon with Spirit.
There may be another peak to climb, but I do not walk alone. I never walk alone.
“When you have accepted your mission to extend peace you will find peace, for by making it manifest you will see it….When you look within and see me, it will be because you have decided to manifest truth.” ACIM T:12-8 & 12