I boarded the flight to New York City with mixed feelings. It was to be a brief visit, Friday afternoon to Sunday night, and I had been living in a cocoon of my own making for over a year. To come out of it and into one of the busiest, most vibrant cities in the world was to me in a word: overwhelming.
I had been healing, stewing, soaking and now I was being called out. God speaks through people and He spoke, this time, through a friend.
“I know it might be a challenge with the kids and everything,” she said to me six weeks previously. “But I really think you need to be here. I want to offer you this weekend.”
My introverted self wanted to say it was too hard, too short notice, not possible. But instead I heard myself say, “Yes, I’ll be there. Thank you.”
I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth and wished right then and there for some kind of net to catch the letters and sounds before they landed. But it was too late, and the annoying optimistic side of me whispered: ‘It was meant to be‘.
So for six weeks I worried. For six weeks I whined. My friends and my boyfriend listened patiently, soothed and encouraged me. And all the while I sensed this inner knowing that gently and consistently told me all was well. Perhaps she and the annoying, optimistic voice were sisters…perhaps they were one and the same united in gently driving me nuts.
I watched myself fuss and lose sleep the week leading up to the trip and then, finally, the day before I was scheduled to leave, a calm came over me. This calm moved me into a state of gratitude and excitement, but the point here is I let myself be where I was. I watched myself, witnessed the fear and was willing to listen to the voices of Love.
I was in New York for fifty-six hours. And for fifty-six hours I let go. For fifty-six hours I was in service to something greater, higher than me. I worked alongside wise and beautiful people all grateful to be exactly where they were. And I bore witness to glorious souls soaking up the teachings of one who has gone before them taking pause to pay it forward.
I got it. I was called out of my cocoon to see the beauty. I was summoned to watch the world beat on in all its messiness outside of my little life. There was nothing to fear.
It was meant to be. And all I am is grateful. Back in my little cocoon, my eyes just a tiny bit wider, I am grateful.