I’ll admit it. These past few weeks I have done myself wrong. I have left my soul malnourished, heavy and dark. I have not fed it properly. I have denied it love and light.
That’s what unforgiveness does.
I’ll tell the truth. I’ve put up a shield these past 14 days. It wasn’t consciously done. Something within me felt I deserved the guilt and shame. It left tightness in my chest, pressure in my throat and a storm of sorrow in my gut.
That’s what resentment feels like.
And it’s not easy to admit all this. But maybe it’s alright. And maybe I won’t fight myself anymore. Maybe love waits for me at the end of every trial, every hiccup, every hurt.
This is what it’s like to wake up in the middle of the nightmare.
Because somehow I thought I was better than the anger. I thought I was above the frustration. But that’s not how it works is it? No. Humility is key. Being soft, accepting and ready to surrender at a moment’s notice is what we need. To know we’re never alone and to ask for guidance.
That’s how a miracle occurs.
And I’ll be honest, sometimes it’s easier said than done. And then I think: Well, do I want to be right or do I want to feel better? I want to feel better. I want to shine a light on this darkness and be me again. The real me. The fearless one. The me who is here to serve, to be open and to heal. With no fear, we live in all that remains.
That’s what love looks like.